My wife and I have put together an American Idol vocal no-no list. The no-no list is comprised of singers who’s songs Idol hopefuls should avoid like the plague. Basically if you don’t have the pipes to pull the song off don’t sing it. We started to compile the list last season. I had never watched American Idol before and was thoroughly surprised at the tremendous talent of some of the folks and the overwhelming lack of talent of most of the folks. During the audition portion of the show we kept seeing person after person try to sing songs by the folks listed below. The vast majority of them crashed and burned. So we put together this list along with some rules or guidelines to be followed if you’re crazy enough to attempt a song by one of the list members.
American Idol Vocal No-No List
Aretha Franklin
(or Re-Re as my wife calls her)
Patti Labelle
Whitney Houston
Celine Dion
Mariah Carey
Mary J. Blige
Christina Aguilera
Amy Lee*
Jennifer Hudson**
No-No List Exception Requirements
A person can qualify to sing a song from a listed artist IF they meet the following requirements.
- You must be able to blow. I mean really blow. We’re not talking about singing in the shower or in your bed room good. I’m talking serious, serious pipes. (Experience singing in church is not required but a definite plus.)
- You must be able to come up with an arrangement of the song that showcases your voice instead of merely copying the original. You are not Re-Re (Aretha). You’re not Christina or any of the others. If you try to sound exactly like them you will fail and Simon, Randy and Paula will roast you. If you meet requirement # 1 this shouldn’t be too hard. You’ve got a nice voice use it.
- You must be tight on your runs. If you are not tight on your runs consider your No-No List Exception application denied and find another song to sing. When I say tight I mean tight. We’re not talking about early Beyonce/Destiny’s Child fake runs. You gotta bring serious, real deal runs to the table.
You’ll notice we haven’t included any men on the list. We’ve given it some serious thought but have been unable to think of any male vocalists who’s sound and voices are so far above everybody else as to make them worthy of inclusion on the list.
* Gina Glocksen sang Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence (with Amy Lee on Lead Vocals). Technically this is a list violation but since it occurred during the round of 24 and not during auditions it’s sort of okay. She made it her own realizing that she was not and never will be Amy Lee. That meets requirement #2.
** LaKisha Jones can flat out blow. She received an automatic exemption the first time she opened her mouth to sing on the show. I thought J-Hud was on the stage when LaKisha sang And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going. Got goose bumps right there. The same thing happened when she sang I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston. The list does not apply to LaKisha.
Bye Bye Rush. Don’t Let The Door Hit Ya Where The Good Lord Split Ya
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Rush Resigns (Alternate Headline: ESPN Said Quit or You’re Fired). All I have to say about this is good riddance and peace out. I don’t like Rush. I think he’s full of hot air and enjoys enciting controversy. He knew exactly how his comments would be construed before he said them. That being said the comments he made if taken at face value are pretty harmless. That not withstanding, Ray Charles himself could have seen the can of worms Mr. Limbaugh was opening by bringing the topic of race into his comments. There are numerous ways he could have gotten his general topic across, which was Donovan Mcnabb is overrated, without bringing race into the thing. Namely he could have said “I think Donovan Mcnabb is overrated.” Period. End of sentence. Even though I don’t like the man I recognize that he’s smart enough to have figured out a less controversial way to say it. So either I’m giving him too much credit or he purposefully said what he said with full knowledge of the controversy it would spark. I think it’s the latter and the former. ESPN is at fault here is well. They knew exactly what they were getting when they signed him up. I wish I knew what they thought they were going to accomplish when they signed him. What qualifications does he have to be a football commentator? He’s a regular Joe Blow football fan who happens to be famous. I’m a regular Joe Blow football fan. I’ve got a major in Broadcasting so I’ve got broadcasting experience. Why not hire me? Anyhow, this is a bazarre end to a bazarre situation. I say good riddance. Go back to you little radio show hole and don’t come back. You’ve proven that your place in this world is and should remain the land of niche radio. You’re not ready for the big time. Shame on ESPN for unleashing on an unsuspecting public. To conclude this rant let me state that fully support Rush Limbaugh’s right to free speech. I just don’t have to agree with his opinion and I don’t have to agree with his agenda/quest to stur up controversy where ever he goes.