Don’t Cry Over Spilt Water

Death. It’s a scary prospect. One minute you’re here the next you’re not. You tend not to think of your own death (or at least I don’t). It just doesn’t compute. But faced with the death or near death of a loved one it’s hard to ignore.

I nearly lost my wife earlier this week. Her doctor said she was literally hours from death. If we hadn’t gotten to the hospital when we did they said she wouldn’t have made it through the night. That’s a WOW statement. To use one of my wife’s favorite phrases “Are you serious?”.  That’s gulp inducing stuff right there.

When we made our vows a couple of years ago we said ‘til death do us part but I never imagined the death caused parting could/would be so soon. The whole situation made me feel so helpless. Outside of driving her to the hospital and praying for her I had absolutely no control over anything. All I could do was sit on the sidelines and let the doctors and nurses do their work. I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat. I couldn’t sit back. At one point I was simply staring at the wall rocking back and forth and praying. It was not a good feeling at all.

The good thing about times like this is they force a person to step back, release the vice like death grip we have on our lives and allow God to step in. God’s like “I got this. Let me do what I do.” I imagine God saying “Hey. What’s up? God here. Remember me. The guy you don’t talk to nearly enough. The guy who’s word you only read on the rarer and rarer occasions you step foot in a church. I’ve been here all along. Where did you go? Let me help you. But let’s not make this another one time thing. Let me help you through the bad times AND the good. The plans and goals and dreams I have for you are so much greater than anything you could ever dream of. All you’ve got to do is relinquish the control you’re so dead set on maintaining and let me handle it.”

After a couple of days of touch and go she improved and now we’re back home. I find I’m overcome by an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. Thankful for being granted more time to spend with my wife. Thankful for yet another chance to try to get things right. But in the end what does it all mean? Will I be suddenly on fire for the Lord and make grand declarations to change my world in his name?  Nah probably not. Been there done that got the t-shirt. Once this intense feeling wears off those things would likely fade as well if past experience says anything about it. Will I turn into the greatest husband ever in the history of humanity? If that person exists it is not and never will be me.

If I’ve learned anything about myself over the last few years it’s that it’s all about baby steps with me so here’s what I WILL strive to do:

1. Love my wife more. Spend more time with her and try to make the most of the life we’ve been blessed to have together.

2. Read my Word more. At least a scripture or two a day.

3. Pray more. God doesn’t really need to talk to me but I need to talk to him. I haven’t been fulfilling that need much lately.

4. Take better care of myself. If I don’t reverse course soon there won’t be any of me left to do all the things I’ve listed above.

written by Daryl

Someone at Goodwill must not want folks to donate anything. Tickets to see the Rams? The 2-8 Rams. Might want to rethink that strategy there Goodwill marketing folks.

written by Daryl \\ tags: Goodwill, NFL, St. Louis Rams

*tap, tap, tap*

Is this thing on? The site has been offline for a couple of weeks. I didn’t even realize this until a couple of days ago. I went to post something and got a generic Wordpress page saying blog not found. I thought WHAT!?!?! Turns out something got screwed up when I updated to the latest version of Wordpress. All my data was still there so it was all good. It took me about an hour to get everything back up and running Friday night.

I’m also writing to test out a new tool I’m trying. I’m writing this post using Windows Live Writer. I tried Live Writer a long time ago when it was still in beta. It was okay back then but didn’t really blow me away. The version is much nicer and more polished. I like what I’m seeing so far.

written by Daryl

Is it just me or does Chris Meloni’s long lost relative reside on Sesame Street?

written by Daryl \\ tags: burt, burt and ernie, christopher_meloni, nbc, sesame street

I love music. It is a constant part of my daily life. At any given time during my day there is rarely a minute where I’m not either listening to, singing along with or thinking about music. One of the things I love about music is there’s always something new to hear and discover. This works on a couple of levels. The shear volume of music is ever increasing. Artists release new music every day so there is always something new to hear. There is also new music to discover within the music you already know and love. It could be a chord progression you’ve never noticed or maybe a secondary rhythm that’s always been there but seems to magically spring to the forefront the 50^th time you listen to a song. I tend to get so locked into the music side of songs (which in my mind means the actually rhythms and sounds and notes that are being played) that I filter out the other half of the equation: the lyrics. It’s always refreshing when I stumble across a lyric that jumps out at me. It makes the music seem fresh all over again.

Tonight while listening to Stop This Train by John Mayer the following lyric struck a cord with me:

So scared of getting older

I’m only good at being young

This struck me as a very 30-something thing to say which happens to be exactly where I’m at right now. I can readily identify with the feeling it conveys. I’ve been scared about getting older for years. The fear comes from not knowing what lies ahead. Some (maybe most) may find that exciting but it tends to terrify me. The only thing I’ve ever been is young. What do I know about being old?

Thankfully those feelings have begun to subside somewhat. Life is forcing me to grow up and move forward. For the first time in my life (if not ever) I’m looking forward to what the future holds. Growing old seems like a wonderful thing now that I have someone to grow old with. Dreams of having kids, making a home and just living life in general seem to pop into my head whenever I have a moment to sit down and let my mind wander. Those are very comforting thoughts. I may only be good at being young right now but day by day I’m learning how to grow old. Maybe some day I’ll be good at being both young (at heart) and old (in maturity and life experience). Maybe.

written by Daryl \\ tags: growing old, john mayer, live in los angeles, lyrics, maturity, Music, stop this train, where the light is