I’m so silly. I complain when it rains. I complain when it doesn’t rain. Right now I’m in complain when it rains mode. It’s been a very rainy spring and summer. This time last year, we had near drought conditions and really hot temperatures. I complained then about the lack of rain. This year it’s not quite as hot but we’ve got near monsoon conditions at times. I guess it’s just your normal summer thunderstorm activity but it seems to be much more prevalent this year. I feel like a kid whose upset cause he can’t go outside and play. I guess in a way I am. When it rains, I can’t play softball or soccer. The softball fields around here drain poorly and turn into lakes after the first few drops of rain. The soccer fields we play on are kept in immaculate condition. They drain really, really well but we can’t play on them in the rain either because the owners don’t want their fields messed up. To top it all off, I can’t drive around in my fun and zippy Toyota Paseo when it rains. I’ve been really gun shy driving around since I crashed her (I named my car Allycia) into a drainage opening during a sudden rainstorm. That was the day before we went to Mexico. I’ve been reluctant to drive in the rain ever since and avoid it whenever possible. Ugh!!! It looks like it’s gonna rain again today. I think it already has. Somebody has turned off the spigot for the time being. More rain will come. I’m sure of it. I think I’ll talk to God about it:

{: Clasps hands together and closes eyes in prayer:}

Lord I know that rain is needed to make things grow. I know that the rain keeps the leaves green and the flowers blooming. I also know that the rain (even though is leaves a dirty after film) provides a free carwash to those who haven’t washed their cars in months. But can’t we work out a schedule where it doesn’t rain within a day or so of a soccer or softball game? Since March I’ve had so many rainouts I’ve lost count. You know that I don’t have very many years left to participate in athletics. This body you gave me just isn’t going to hold out much longer. I’ve got bad knees, bad ankles, a pulled hamstring, and a pulled quadriceps. This list goes on and on. So I need to maximize and utilize the small amount of athletic time I have left. That means playing as much recreational soccer and softball as possible. I can’t do that if it rains. I know you understand where I’m coming from. Do your faithful servant this one favor. PLEEEEEEASE. Thanks.

{: The proceeding was written tongue-in-cheek but if you’re reading this God and would like to act upon what I’ve requested, please be my guest :}

Hey look the sun is out. I better get home while the gettin’ is good. Take me home Allycia. Take me home. Bye, Bye.

I came to a realization this weekend that the older I get, the older my parents and family get. This seems obvious and quite elementary I know but it’s finally sinking in. I’ve known this intellectually for a long time of course but it never really hit me until a couple of days ago. My parents are getting older. I pray that they’ll have a long and healthy life but eventually they’re health will fail and they’ll pass away. It’s inevitable and barring Jesus’ glorious return within their lifetime it’s gonna happen. We as humans are powerless to stop the hands of time. Visiting with my Grandma this weekend, this realization was even more pronounced. She’s 93 and still in fairly good health. She’s got all her wits about her. Her memory is sharp and she still tells great stories. But I’m noticing things both with her and my parents. Little things that attest to the passage of time and the inevitability of their eventual passing. Grandma takes a little bit longer to do things. She’s not quite as mobile as she used to be. Her back is bowed. Her gate isn’t quite as spry.

My mom is only 50. She keeps herself in great shape. But the little things are starting to be come noticeable with her as well. The hair is getting grayer (even though she dyes it). Subtle wrinkles are forming on her face. Her eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I guess I noticed these changes more easily because I haven’t seen her since last summer. Her actual appearance is slightly different from the picture I have of her in my mind. Because of that the changes appear more pronounced I suppose.

The same holds true for my Dad. He’s a football coach, PE Teacher, active duty Army Veteran, and current Army Reservist. I’ve always seen him as this big, strong, nearly invincible man. He never got sick, never missed a day of work. He’s always kept himself in tiptop shape. But as he’s getting older nagging health problems are cropping up. Glaucoma, high blood pressure, diabetes have all appeared within the last couple of years. He’s having trouble controlling his weight. He’s tired all the time. He’s been diagnosed with clinical depression. It’s like he’s breaking down before our eyes. I never even thought that possible when I was a kid. I guess I’m in denial. I don’t want to recognize these things as facts.

None of this is any great revelation I don’t guess. But for me it marks a definite change in how I view my parents and last living grandparent. I think I’ve always kind of ignored the fact that someday, a day I pray is a long way off, they’ll no longer be here on earth. Intellectually I understand it but my heart doesn’t in want to believe it. I can’t imagine what life would be like without my parents. When I try to think about it, my mind draws a blank. I just see blackness. My mind can’t conjure an image of what that could possibly be like. I suppose life goes on but me being on this earth and my parents no longer being her just seems inconceivable. It’s not something that I want to deal with or think about. But from here on out I suppose I’m going to have to. It’s a part of growing up.

The older I get the more I realize why adults in general are more serious than kids and teenagers. There’s a lot of weight and pressure on you as an adult. Responsibility is abundant and you don’t have a safety net to fall back on like when you were a kid. Plus you’ve got to deal with the realization that your friends and love ones are going to die eventually. Beyond that, you realize that you’re eventually going to die as well. It’s hard transitioning from adolescence to adulthood. I think life is dragging me kicking and screaming through that transition right now. The bright spot in all of this is that my parents and grandma are Christians so I know where they’re going when they’re no longer with us. They’ll be in a much better place than where we reside currently. But the selfish side of me doesn’t want to see them go. I want them here with me to help me through hard times, to give advice and instruction, and to just be there like they always have. I haven’t come to grips with all of this stuff but I think I’ve taken the first step in realizing that it’s going to happen. I don’t know how I’ll deal with these things when they occur. I’m sure I’ll need to lean on God more than ever. I imagine he’s got a big enough shoulder to handle that though.

Coming to this realization has made me realize more than ever that I need to make the most of the time God has blessed me with to be with my parents and grandma especially. Grandma only lives an hour away but I only see her a few times a year. (Christmas, Thanksgiving and in the summer when my parents are visiting) One of these days she’s not going to be around to visit. I need to listen and learn and absorb as much knowledge from her and my parents as I can. The only way I can do that is by maximizing the time I have with them and efficiently using that time to the fullest. That’s going to be my goal for the next few weeks while Mom and Dad are here and for as much time as I’ve got left to enjoy their company on this side of the river.