Death. It’s a scary prospect. One minute you’re here the next you’re not. You tend not to think of your own death (or at least I don’t). It just doesn’t compute. But faced with the death or near death of a loved one it’s hard to ignore.
I nearly lost my wife earlier this week. Her doctor said she was literally hours from death. If we hadn’t gotten to the hospital when we did they said she wouldn’t have made it through the night. That’s a WOW statement. To use one of my wife’s favorite phrases “Are you serious?”. That’s gulp inducing stuff right there.
When we made our vows a couple of years ago we said ‘til death do us part but I never imagined the death caused parting could/would be so soon. The whole situation made me feel so helpless. Outside of driving her to the hospital and praying for her I had absolutely no control over anything. All I could do was sit on the sidelines and let the doctors and nurses do their work. I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat. I couldn’t sit back. At one point I was simply staring at the wall rocking back and forth and praying. It was not a good feeling at all.
The good thing about times like this is they force a person to step back, release the vice like death grip we have on our lives and allow God to step in. God’s like “I got this. Let me do what I do.” I imagine God saying “Hey. What’s up? God here. Remember me. The guy you don’t talk to nearly enough. The guy who’s word you only read on the rarer and rarer occasions you step foot in a church. I’ve been here all along. Where did you go? Let me help you. But let’s not make this another one time thing. Let me help you through the bad times AND the good. The plans and goals and dreams I have for you are so much greater than anything you could ever dream of. All you’ve got to do is relinquish the control you’re so dead set on maintaining and let me handle it.”
After a couple of days of touch and go she improved and now we’re back home. I find I’m overcome by an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. Thankful for being granted more time to spend with my wife. Thankful for yet another chance to try to get things right. But in the end what does it all mean? Will I be suddenly on fire for the Lord and make grand declarations to change my world in his name? Nah probably not. Been there done that got the t-shirt. Once this intense feeling wears off those things would likely fade as well if past experience says anything about it. Will I turn into the greatest husband ever in the history of humanity? If that person exists it is not and never will be me.
If I’ve learned anything about myself over the last few years it’s that it’s all about baby steps with me so here’s what I WILL strive to do:
1. Love my wife more. Spend more time with her and try to make the most of the life we’ve been blessed to have together.
2. Read my Word more. At least a scripture or two a day.
3. Pray more. God doesn’t really need to talk to me but I need to talk to him. I haven’t been fulfilling that need much lately.
4. Take better care of myself. If I don’t reverse course soon there won’t be any of me left to do all the things I’ve listed above.
I came close to tears a few minutes ago. I was watching the replay of Michael Jackson’s memorial service on VH1. The outpouring of love and remembrance shown today and in the days since Michael’s passing are a true testament to the many lives he touched through his music and his good works on this earth.
His music has been woven into the fabric of my life for as long as I can remember. The Jackson 5 Christmas album has been in heavy rotation at the Burns house around Christmas time since before I was born. I can recite all the words to all the songs on that album in my sleep.
Thinking back over the years numerous happy Michael Jackson related memories spring to mind: hearing We Are The World on the radio for the first time when I was a kid, trying (and still failing to this day) to do the Michael Jackson lean from the Smooth Criminal video, being amazed as the sidewalk, stairs, and trash can lit up during the Billie Jean video, playing the Moonwalker video game in the arcade and hitting the power up button just to see MJ dance before he knocked all the bad guys down.
Smokey Robinson said today that he was blessed to have been around during a time where he was able to know Michael Jackson. I feel blessed to have lived and grown up in a time where I was able hear and witness his music first hand. The world is a lesser place without him here but at the same time it’s so much better for his being here.
God Bless you MJ. I’ll miss you but you’ll never be forgotten. Rest in peace.
Someone at Goodwill must not want folks to donate anything. Tickets to see the Rams? The 2-8 Rams. Might want to rethink that strategy there Goodwill marketing folks.
“The vitriol is flailing out shotgun-style,” says Mr. Levin. “They recognize (White Supremacist and Nationalist groups) Obama as a tipping point, the perfect storm in the narrative of the hate world – the apocalypse that they’ve been moaning about has come true.”
This was not unexpected. Sadly I expect it to get worse. On the bright side (if there can be such a thing when it comes to racial hatred) perhaps this will help expose the deep divisions that still exist in this country and help us to come to grips with them. Hopefully we can move past just dialogue and actually start taking concrete actions to attack this problem head on. We’re not a post-racial eutopia yet. We’re far from that regardless of what some people say but that doesn’t mean we should stop striving for it.
I never thought I’d see this day. Obama won. A black man in the White House. INCREDIBLE!
I’m stunned. I wish my grandma was here physically to witness this. I get to tell my kids and grand children that I witnessed this moment with my own eyes. Eyes that are close to tears as I type this.
I pray that our country can move on now and start repairing the rifts that are deeply dividing us.
As I write this I’m struggling to hold back the tears. My baby has left the nest and ventured out into the world of work. I’m so proud of her. They grow up so fast don’t they? One day they’re being born, the next day they’re dentists. Where does the time go?
No I haven’t secretly fathered a love child. I’m not a baby daddy just yet. My baby in this case is my wife. She’s done with dental school and finally started her first dentist job.
She was supposed to start 3 weeks ago but thanks to the wonderful folks at the UT Memphis Health Sciences Center and the Missouri Dental board she wasn’t issued her license until this past Monday. I can’t complain too much though (well I can but choose not to). The delay has allowed us to spend tons of quality time together in our new home and community. That’s been great. Quality time with the wife is never a bad thing.
I am being sarcastic when I say I’m holding back tears but I really am proud of her. She’s gone through a lot (4 years of hell as she calls it) to get to where she is now. It’s been a difficult journey but she made it through. Now she gets to reap the rewards of her labor.
My wife and I moved to Missouri a couple of weeks ago from Memphis. I saw this exact billboard driving up Highway 63 heading into West Plains. I just shook my head and wondered what we were getting into moving into an area (Waynesville) not too far from there.
In defense of West Plains though I must say that everyone we have ever come into contact with there (which admittedly isn’t very many folks) has been nothing but nice. We always pit stop there on the way to and from Memphis because it’s roughly halfway. The folks there seem really nice but I have to admit that as an African-American seeing that sign on the day we were making our final move to Missouri made me a bit nervous.
Death. It’s a scary prospect. One minute you’re here the next you’re not. You tend not to think of your own death (or at least I don’t). It just doesn’t compute. But faced with the death or near death of a loved one it’s hard to ignore.
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